The Week in Daniel: April 20-27

Times I’ve gone to the Co-op with my shirt tucked in my underwear: 2

Times Mason ran away: 2

People he accosted while on his adventures: 5

Number of excelsior wraps Mason fought on a Mexican family’s lawn: 1

Times looked at photos taken with ex: 1

Number of kicks to groin it felt like: 47

Times envisioned, in great detail, ex with another man: 7

Self-Loathing meter (0-10): 9.2

Week’s most nagging fear: Reaching 30 without building a sidecar for my dog to ride in

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